Greet One Another
(Editorial - July 1999)
Apostolic instructions
"Salute one another with a holy kiss" (Rom. 16:16).
"Greet ye one another with an holy kiss" (I Cor. 16:20).
"Greet one another with an holy kiss" (II Cor. 13:12).
"Salute every saint in Christ" (Phil. 4:21).
"Greet all the brethren with an holy kiss"(I Thess. 5:26).
"Salute all them that have the rule over you, and all the saints" (Heb. 13:24)
"Greet ye one another with a kiss of charity" (I Peter 5:14).
The New King James has "greet" for "salute" in Romans, Philippians and Hebrews thus translating the Greek aspazomai in a consistent manner.
Be friendly
We may read the five references to "kiss" and feel the instruction
is to avoid sensual kissing when greeting brothers and sisters. Furthermore, we may feel
the "kiss" is a standard greeting in the Mediterranean world but not in
our society. Those two points may be true, but they do not cancel out the primary point, "Greet
one another" in a friendly manner. (Even in our society, we should not
underestimate the warm fraternal affection a pure and godly kiss can convey.)
Three of the verses, (Philippians, I Thessalonians and Hebrews) specifically include mention of "every" or "all." Evidently the same challenge existed in the first century as exists today: we find it far easier to greet some people than others. In that day, slaves would have much more in common with other slaves and the same would be true with the masters. Jewish believers would tend to chat more freely with other Jewish believers. Tradesman would have more in common with other tradesman; young mothers would congregate together to share their common experiences. But each person was to greet every other person; there were to be no groupings of brethren who talked only among themselves and ignored others.
Coming from a variety of backgrounds and different walks of life, we, too, face the challenge to be friendly with everyone. While there are many exceptions, young people feel more comfortable with those of their own age. It’s not hard for the elderly to share various antidotes to ailments typical of their advancing years. Those in business have an easy time visiting with each other and parents of teenagers have lots to talk about. But, as was suggested in the letter from the Shippensburg Bible School Committee, it takes a genuine effort to make sure we are friendly to all segments of our ecclesial family.
We’re far more likely to expend this effort if we realize it is an apostolic command to greet "all" the brothers and sisters.
Great principles involved
All would accept the greatest principle governing our attitudes to one another is that
we are to love one another as Christ loved us. "By this shall all men know that
ye are my disciples" (John 13:35). None would deny that if we see a brother
lacking food and raiment, the principle of love insists we provide practical help. Yet
it’s pretty hard to claim we love a brother if we walk by him as if he didn’t
exist or manage always to be so busily engaged with others that we never chat with him.
Friendliness is a part of love.
Another defining principle is that we are to serve our brothers and sisters as if they are of higher status than ourselves. "In lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves" (Phil. 2:3). More often than not, an unfriendly attitude conveys the appearance of arrogance as we may come across as thinking we’re better than the other. High-mindedness is directly opposite to the servant attitude we are to have. Part of being humbly disposed to others is to warmly greet them and to be as friendly toward them as is possible.
Being friendly is a direct apostolic command and is an obvious application of great spiritual principles, but:
Excuses abound
Our most likely excuse is that we are not outgoing, but are shy, quite awkward about
greeting people. In many cases, this is a legitimate problem perhaps requiring an unusual
degree of effort and prayer on our part to follow the apostolic command. It is well to
remember that every disciple has more difficulty with some areas than others. The overly
anxious person, for example, may have great trouble exercising patience, or the depressed
person being joyful or the fearful person being faithful. If we are particularly shy,
there are self-help tips summarized in various secular articles which we can find at the
library.
We may be embarrassed because we readily forget names or have trouble knowing what to talk about or fear we’ll get trapped into an extended conversation we feel unable to handle. A lot of us have these anxieties. Remembering names can be a learned skill or we can cover for our memory loss the way others do with ourselves, "Hi, how are you doing?" with a friendly smile usually does OK. Some people have a wonderful knack for making pleasant conversation with almost anyone. Watch how they do it.
The other person really doesn’t like me or care about me, we may reason. That could be true, but that's their problem, not ours. Let us greet them with a greeting of charity and put a great principle into practice.
Frequently at events we may find ourselves talking with our friends and feel so absorbed we just can't stop to greet someone else. A nod of the head and warm smile will do as the other person can see our situation. Or a touch of the arm or fingers as we're passing is certainly better than turning our head, completely ignoring the other.
We may not be outgoing or gregarious, but any of us can convey warm recognition and a simple smile if we work at it. In fact, we must, because being friendly is applying great spiritual principles as well as obeying specific apostolic instruction.
An issue for parents
Few children are naturally friendly on a consistent basis. Some will be unfriendly to
virtually everybody while others will be friendly only when it pleases them. The parent
does them a great favor if they are trained early on to be friendly to family and friends
in the meeting. Unfortunately, in today’s world, a significant measure of caution
must be exercised by children to strangers, but that surely doesn’t apply towards
those whom they know.
Years ago when my parents lived with us in their own apartment, they brought to our attention that our boys never greeted them. I was a bit annoyed at the complaint until I realized that friendliness was a command which the boys should be learning to obey in their youth.
Those parents who apply consistent, appropriate instruction do the children a great favor for later years.
Visitors among us
One of the most discouraging reports is to hear from a visitor that he was ignored or
coolly treated when he attended youth circle or one of our various functions. That’s
the way the publicans and sinners were treated by the Phraisees, but not by Christ. He was
called their "friend" not because he approved of their practices but
because he was genuinely concerned for their needs.
Who should we imitate, Christ or the Pharisees?
Necessary behavior
Being friendly is not something we’re free to exercise when we’re in the
mood and ignore other times for we are not called to be stand-offish, uncaring people. We
are called to be friendly to all the diverse members of the body of Christ and to be
people who are genuinely concerned with all whom we come in contact. This is an apostolic
instruction and an application of the great principles of love and humility.
Don Styles