Parents―The
Greatest Influence on our Children
(Editorial - September 2002)
Shaking his head in puzzlement and frustration, the brother complained, “We’re loosing 85% of our young people.” We knew what he meant. Of the children being raised in Christadelphian homes in the area, only 15% were being baptized into Christ.
A powerful
influence
We sometimes despair at the temptations facing our young people. The
Internet gives them access to virtually anything; video games soak up their
time and stimulate violence; movies exalt illicit relationships and extreme
violence; money is worshipped throughout society; leisure activities are
freely available; drug, tobacco and alcohol use is encouraged by their
peers. How can this onslaught of temptation be counteracted?
By parents! Scripture tells us that the training supplied by parents can overcome all the bad influences in a child’s life.
“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Prov. 29:17). Parents are encouraged that, given firm and proper direction in life, a child will bring delight, not despair, to the heart of a godly parent.
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). Whatever form of discipline we use, the passage is clear that parents can work powerful change in the hearts and minds of their children.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). Here is a great challenge to parents, but also a great reassurance. We are assured that we can have lasting impact for good on our children, an impact that is so powerful it can overcome evil influences in their lives.
The impact of early
love
Proverbs 4 provides much insight into the parent-child relationship and one
of the initial points can easily be read over without realizing its full
significance: “I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the
sight of my mother” (v.3).
An article on “Attachment Disorder” (Tidings 9/99 pp. 338-342) drew forcibly to our attention that a child’s development is dramatically impacted by loving care, or its absence, in the early years. Treated with nurturing, tender, caring love, the child develops a conscience during these early years. In the absence of such loving attachment, great damage can be done, even to the point of developing a criminal lack of conscience.
As this “disorder” was something we knew little about, we read a little further until it became clear beyond doubt: as scripture says, parents have a most dramatic impact on their children.
Giving needed
instruction
“Hear, ye children, the
instruction of a father” is
Solomon’s advice, and he goes on reiterating what he heard from his own
father. David had emphasized that Solomon should put a premium on obtaining
wisdom for, “she shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: a crown
of glory shall she deliver to thee” (Prov. 4:1-13).
We have further insight into David’s parental instruction from I Kings 2:1-4, where one of his exhortations to Solomon is recorded. “Keep the charge of the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, to keep his statutes…” Consider the specific areas David covered:
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God’s ways – David’s charge to Solomon was to follow the example of the Lord God of Israel. Look at His care of Israel, His longsuffering of great irritations, and His readiness to forgive. In our case, we have the additional example of the Lord Jesus Christ and his sacrificial love from which we benefit so greatly.
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God’s statutes – In moving the ark, David had been forcefully taught God’s rituals of religion must be followed. We need to impress respect of God’s statutes on the minds of our children. We do this in honoring the breaking of bread by worshipful, regular participation and by underscoring the need for full immersion upon a meaningful confession of faith in the gospel.
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God’s commandments – Solomon was instructed in the detailed moral aspects of right and wrong. While he was commanded to daily Bible reading once he became king; it’s evident from Proverbs 4 that David provided an early start in the practice. We do well to follow a similar course with our children. In our own family situation, we found it best to proceed through a book of the Bible a chapter at a time. Clarifying remarks were made during the reading and questions followed. Protests only came if the question was too easy.
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God’s judgments – Children need to be well-grounded in how to put the principles of Christ into practical application. It’s even more important in our generation than in David’s because we do not have the detailed laws that were in effect under the Law of Moses. Frequently the mother is the one who has the best opportunity for such instruction which is no doubt why Solomon wrote, “forsake not the law of thy mother” (Prov. 6:20).
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God’s testimonies – These were the ten commandments (cf. Exo. 31:18), the first principles of Solomon’s day. Solomon would have memorized these from the earliest days. Our children should also be instructed in the first principles early in their lives. The attributes of God, the person, life and present status of the Lord Jesus, the state of the dead, the truth about sin, the resurrection, kingdom, faith, baptism, obedience, should all be part of the basic learning set deep within our children’s minds. They are the ABCs of religion; the true facts of life and the purpose of creation and our existence.
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“With all the heart” – David made it clear that God wants more than rote obedience, He wants love with all the heart, soul, mind and strength. How do we teach our children to love God? Surely the most effective way is by our example.
David was known for his generosity in the work of God (I Chr. 29:2-3). What do our children see in us? A generous sharing of our resources with the ecclesia, or the selfish greed and covetousness so common in our time?
We see in David great enthusiasm for the worship of God (Psa. 42:1-2). Is that us, or do we reluctantly drag ourselves to ecclesial affairs?
David trusted in God with all his heart (Psa. 46:1-2). Is that us, or are we constantly fretting about coming trouble?
It will be impossible to teach our children to love God unless they see that we love the Lord ourselves with all our heart, strength, soul and spirit.
Objections
When reading these points, we may say to ourselves, “I have no children;”
or “I’ve already made a hash of it with my children. These points are
wasted on me.”
We all have children, spiritual children. We all have those who look up to us and will follow our example. Our days of influencing others are not over when our natural children are grown.
We may say everyone must stand responsible for his/her own actions. That is true and scripture abounds with righteous people (Isaac, David, Hezekiah, Josiah) who will be saved but who themselves had unfaithful children. In fact, the families of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and David would today be called dysfunctional families. But this does not alter the principle that parents have enormous impact on their children. We should take courage in the principle, realizing that, despite the evil influences of our day, we have opportunity to counteract them all.
Failure
Sadly, the very person who wrote,
“Raise up a child in the way he will go and when he is old…” failed,
for when he “was old,” Solomon turned away from God to worship
idols. Solomon’s father did not bear the blame for Solomon’s failure, but
David certainly did not help the matter by being slack in discipline. Of
Adonijah it was said, “his father [David] had not displeased him at any
time…” And there are several other indications that David was too
liberal with his children.
The failure of his sons will not cost David eternal life, but their failure underscores the truth that parents have enormous influence on their children. Let us not be overwhelmed by that aspect of our lives, but let us use our influence for good to the end that, by God’s grace, we may, as families, enter the glorious kingdom to come.
Don Styles