Accepting the Blame
(Exhortation - February 1999)
Excuses abound for bad behavior
As we read many of the sad stories that fill our newspaper or TV headlines, the
common theme so many times seems to explain why a particular person committed a crime as a
form of absolution. A sort of "self pity" syndrome is presented, with
excuses to "explain away" the crime, offering the person’s
background or emotional frame of mind, causing us to sympathize with the wrong conduct.
Typically, the person’s home life was horrible and abusive; either he was beaten as a child or he came from a broken home. These are indeed devastating experiences which can greatly affect our behavior. But often these unfortunate circumstances provide excuses and rationales which can lead a person to absolve himself from accountability for his own actions. The attention is shifted from the actions committed to the offender’s past.
If we are not careful, we can step back from our actions, viewing ourselves as a disinterested onlooker, instead of taking responsibility for what we have done. Yet it is a biblical principle that God requires self examination and personal responsibility for our actions. The real danger in our society is that a type of absolution can be unknowingly embraced by each one of us without realizing it, even though our intentions are well meaning.
The sinner is to blame
In this scenario, the perpetrator becomes the victim and rationalization replaces
responsibility. "Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth
her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness" (Prov. 30:20). With the issues
clouded, wrongdoing is obscured by explanations and the real issues are derailed. Isaiah
warns, "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for
light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!"
(Isaiah 5:20).
Scripturally speaking, when we whitewash our mistakes and excuse our actions we miss out on the need to acknowledge our misdeeds and take the corrective course of confession and repentance -- a change of direction. This gives us the opportunity for another try, sometimes even a new beginning. The process is essential for our development. How can we improve if we feel that the mistakes we make are really not our fault? We virtually rule out the possibility of spiritual growth.
Another fallout of this "absolution of accountability" is the "blame game." We pass on blame at the drop of a hat and shed personal accountability like raindrops from a cloudburst. In most cases, the "assignment of blame" is the absolution of self and the promotion of ourselves as being right. It can be a neat way of wiping our hands clean and saying, "I didn’t do it, it’s not my fault." The bottom line, however, is that the "blame game" does not solve any problems. The Lord wants us to identify our problems and resolve them.
When we look at the big picture, God says that we all have sinned. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23 NKJV as rest of quotes); and "Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned" (Rom. 5:l2). We are without excuse before God.
God wants repentance
What does the Lord want from us? A humble and repentant spirit, not
self-justification. "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall show forth your
praise. For you do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; you do not delight in
burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite
heart--These, O God, you will not despise" (Psa. 51:15-16). The Lord is not
interested in our self-justification. David, the man after God’s own heart, admitted
his wrong doings and his example provides a pattern to emulate.
Saul was a man who spent much of his time justifying his actions and defending his interpretation of God’s commandments. The episode of Saul and King Agag is an excellent, albeit tragic, example of the "absolution of accountability."
We all are familiar with the story in l Samuel 15. Saul was instructed by Samuel to attack Amalek and utterly destroy all the people and all the animals. But Saul spared King Agag and the best of the animals and all that was good. When Samuel confronted Saul with the king’s failure to obey the command of the Lord, Saul offered his feeble excuse: "The people took of the plunder, sheep and oxen, the best of the things which should have been utterly destroyed, to sacrifice to the Lord your God in Gilgal." Although Saul eventually confessed he had sinned, he seems to have done so in order to be restored to power before the elders and the people, rather than out of a desire to confess and repent in sincerity. Is this a clue as to why Saul practiced the "blame game" in the first place? From the account we can see that His spiritual vision was blurred and his motives were impure.
David, on the other hand, sets forth for our instruction a superb example of personal accountability and repentant contrition. "For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned, and done this evil in your sight -- that you may be found just when you speak, and blameless when you judge."
Benefit of honest contrition
We would go so far as to say that unless we can take an honest look at ourselves, we
really won’t be able to understand others effectively. We must not blame others for
conflicts we are having with other people. We should not excuse ourselves because our
motives are "pure." Indeed, if we can face up to our own shortcomings,
often the process of healing can move rapidly forward.
To attempt to be introspective -- to look within ourselves -- can be a fearful process. We feel vulnerable and worry we may find too many weaknesses. Our pride can get in the way and our self-defenses can mobilize instantly. We feel safer not taking a closer look! In fact, it may be true we are only partially to blame for serious conflicts in our lives. Nevertheless it is our small portion that only we can investigate and assess.
Family counselors are constantly reminding us that we can’t change the "other" person, we can only change ourselves. Therefore, if we long to see a problem solved, we can only sort out our part of the issue, whether or not we are helping or hurting in the matter, and resolve to do our utmost to improve the situation.
In doing this we will be focusing on our part of the problem, not on the other person’s faults and, very importantly, accepting responsibility for our problems and not absolving ourselves from accountability.
Great help from scripture
How can we look inward instead of outward? How can we stop playing the "blame
game" in our lives? Peter says, "Humble yourselves under the mighty
hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time" (I Pet. 5:6); James encourages
us to "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he will lift you up"
(James 4:l0). A humble attitude is necessary if we are to bear up under self-examination.
Remember, our Lord Jesus was touched with the same infirmities as we are so he must have wrestled with this very problem. It’s comforting to know we are all in this struggle together and therefore we should be very patient with each other.
Remarkably, each first day of the week we read these compelling words, "But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread and drink of that cup" (I Cor. 11:28). But how often do we do an honest job of self examination? It is noteworthy to observe that we are not exhorted to examine ourselves to see how well we are doing, but rather we should examine ourselves to be aware of our shortcomings and needs. Then, and only then, can we eat and drink worthily before the Lord. For Paul goes on to say, "if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged."
Let us resolve to try even harder to look inwardly and accept responsibility for what we say and do. Our Lord is ever near to help us in this challenging task.
Alton Stuchlik