Words Fitly Spoken
(Reflection - December 1999)
Can you communicate in a way that builds understanding and cooperation? In other words, can you speak "fitly," in an appropriate manner?
In our early years, we are taught by example many ways to communicate. Most of these examples come from siblings or parents. Unfortunately, the techniques we learn early on often do not serve us well as adults. It would not be a good idea, for example, to ask your spouse to come for dinner in the same tone your father said, "Go clean your room," or your sibling said, "Hands off my stuff."
As communicators, we seem at the mercy of habits acquired from our early years, but God has provided us with alternative techniques. These techniques can communicate a respect for others and the presumption they have an intelligent brain and responsive heart. In fact, communication structured in this way can invite cooperation instead of demanding it.
One powerful technique to improve communication is to make use of metaphors. By constructing a metaphor, it’s possible to create agreement or a measure of understanding about an issue apart from the emotions which would be created by personalizing the same issue.
An example is found in II Samuel 12. When Nathan approached David concerning Bathsheba, he did not say, "David, you have sinned and in your selfishness have taken another man’s wife." Instead, he created a metaphor and allowed David to draw his own conclusion (II Sam. 12:1-6).
Using metaphors can help us understand another’s point of view. Even if we don’t agree, establishing a simple understanding can go a long way toward reducing hostility.
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear" (Prov. 25:11-12).
Yona Fisher