SELF-APPRAISAL
- A Critical Attitude Towards Others
(Reflection - September 2004)
Have you ever thought about what dysfunctional behaviors are? Have you ever thought that blaming others is a dysfunctional behavior? II Peter 3:14, I Corinthians 1:8 and I Thessalonians 5:23 show us God wants us to be blameless. In the Bible, there are many examples of people who displayed behaviors that God was not pleased with and as we read these examples we might think to ourselves, “I wouldn’t have done that,” or would I?
Do we blame others?
I believe many of the ways we act and react in our own personal lives
are dysfunctional and we can be unaware of how disappointed God is with
us, as He observes us in our interaction with others. We get accustomed
to talking in a certain way and certain tone. If only we could play back
a sound bite of ourselves so we could hear and see ourselves at the end
of the day. Just for one day, twelve hours, play a little game with yourself.
Say a prayer to God to help you not to blame anyone for anything. See
how you do. See if you catch yourself saying, “Where did you
put that, why didn’t you do that?” etc.
Have you ever considered that being critical of others is not pleasing to God? If critical words come from your mouth, do another game with yourself on another day. First pray to God to help you be aware of yourself so that you are not critical of anyone. Watch yourself and see how often disapproving words come out of your mouth. How about a look you give to others to show your disapproval? Body language says a lot. How about your tone of voice?
Honest self-examination
Dishonesty is not pleasing to God. I believe we all can agree with that.
We all know we shouldn’t tell lies. What about denial? Isn’t
that lying to ourselves? Are we doing that? In scripture we are told to
examine ourselves. Are we examining others more than we are ourselves?
It is very hard to see ourselves clearly. It is much easier to observe
someone else and conclude he/she needs to change; he needs to do some
soul searching and get back on track. We can all derive satisfaction from
working to improve ourselves and also, more importantly, pleasing God.
What about yourself? Each one of us needs to be willing to see ourselves
and then do something about the character flaws we see in ourselves. The
defects we see and the defects we hear in ourselves can be removed if
we will stop denying they are there.
In our prayers we need to ask God to help us see our true personality as God sees us, not how we see ourselves. We always tend to put the best slant on ourselves. We have reasons, rights even, and we justify ourselves as to why we said that or did something in a particular way or style.
Do you use criticism in your speech? Play the game just for today. Decide, “I’m not going to criticize one bit.” Just for today, “I’m not going to blame anyone.” Just for today, “I’m not going to be selfish.” Just for today, “I’m not going to be dishonest with myself.” Just for today, “I’m not going to be impulsive.” And just for today, “I’m not going to be ______” - you fill in the blank.
As in Psalm 22:19 we can ask, “Lord do not be far from me, hasten to help me.” And we can remind ourselves from Prov. 12:22: “Lying lips are an abomination. Those who deal truthfully are his delight.” Are we stubborn? I Sam. 15:23 tells us that stubbornness is iniquity and idolatry. We must show restraint in our lives. We need to pause when we hear ourselves being critical or blaming others. Ponder these things in your heart. Work out your own salvation, not that of someone else.
Misjudging others
An example of someone in scripture who misjudged another concerns David.
He danced before the Lord, because in his mind he was humbling himself
and remembering that God was the true king. Michal misjudged David and
she was held accountable; she went childless.
I have failed in this area, and I have been critical of others and failed to see the beauty and loveliness in them because I was too busy being critical. Others weren’t acting the way I thought they should. The apostle tells us in Philippians 2:3 to esteem others better than ourselves. If I am being critical of others, I am not loving them (I Thess 5:13). I have played the game just for today on the topic of criticism and I am amazed at how often I have found myself doing just that. So easily words and thoughts came to my mind about other people – words that were not kind. I also realized that I have been blaming others too often. I am a work in progress in both those areas. I am trying to be more aware of myself. We are taught to judge between the world and the way, but this does not give us leave to be critical or to practice blaming others.
We all need to get out of our mode of thinking that someone else should be doing anything. Instead let us only apply “should” and “ought” to ourselves—trying to be willing to see our own shortcomings. Then, with the help of God, we should be proactive in changing ourselves so when Christ returns, he will be pleased with us.
A helpful prayer
A prayer that has helped me is: “I need Thee, O Lord, for a
curb on my tongue; when I am tempted to make carping criticisms and cruel
judgments, keep me from speaking barbed words that hurt, and in which
I find a perverted satisfaction. Keep me from unkind words and from unkind
silences. Restrain my judgments. Make me kind and generous. Make me sweet
inside, that I may be gentle with other people, gentle in the things I
say, kind in what I do. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”
Patti Reister